毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么?
赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。服务员，拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗?拿来。站好了。
Shenyang This I know, sir, but with Mr. Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep. Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over. Eyes closed but never opened again - then your whole life is over.
CCTV Man That`s wit! / What a master of wit!
Uncle Zhao Not wit, he's a waiter. / To me, he jus' stings like shit!
Shenyang I didn't mean to offend you, sir.
Uncle Zhao Then whut did you mean?
Shenyang One shouldn't set too much stock on money. What good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.
Uncle Zhao Whut's more scary...
Shenyang Yeah?
Uncle Zhao ... is to be left living with you' money gone. Don't worry, boy. If you play your part well, I'll pay you well.
Shenyang Do as you please.
Uncle Zhao Go ahead.
Shenyang (to himself) What a day... just too stingy.
(Shenyang exits again.)
Uncle Zhao (to CCTV Man) Preparin' the dishes would take s'me time, sir. Here's Yadar, my granddaughter. They all call her Yadar. She started showin' promise to be art'ritis when very young.
CCTV Man You mean an artist.
Uncle Zhao Please test her to see whether she's good enough for you' Broadway.
CCTV Man Can she...
Uncle Zhao Whut can she do, right? No problem!
CCTV Man Now I see. You got me stuck here so your granddaughter can get into my program.
Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that's it.
CCTV Man What exactly can she do?
Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi whut you can do. Waiter, give us a mike for a Karaoke show.
(Shenyang enters for a third time.)
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Stand over there.
毕福剑：那就这样吧，照我们的规矩来。
赵本山：来，你啥规矩?
毕福剑：来，自报家门。
赵本山：瞅前边就行了，别紧张。就搁哪儿来的。说。
毛毛： 我是来自大城市铁岭莲花池水沟子的，我名字叫丫蛋。今天，我心情非常地冲动，今夜阳光明媚，今夜多云转晴。
小沈阳：妈呀，报天气预报哪?嘻嘻。
赵本山：你别跟她说，她说的是心情。别着急。
毕福剑：继续，继续。
毛毛： 我心情从多云转晴了。这是为什么呢?因为我找到我姥爷了，我姥爷太好了，他能带我上溜光大道。
毕福剑：《星光大道》。
赵本山：《星光大道》。
毛毛： 上《星光大道》。我非常感谢我姥爷能给我这次机会，我太感谢你了。如果你真的把我领上道儿，我就感谢你八辈祖宗，我......代表八辈祖宗感谢你。忘不了你对我的大恩大德，我这辈子也不会忘记你，我做鬼都不会放过你。
毕福剑：姥爷，不，她爷，怎么越听这话，我越瘆得慌。
赵本山：孩子就是......啥意思?就是想报复你。
毕福剑：报复?
赵本山：啊不，报恩，报销嘛。报答，知恩图报，等出息了不能忘了姥爷。唱吧。唱。
毕福剑：能唱歌?
赵本山：唱李谷一的《青藏高原》。
毛毛： 那歌是李娜的。
赵本山：爱谁谁的，你唱。
CCTV Man According to our rules...
Uncle Zhao Whut're they?
CCTV Man (to Yadar) ... you shall introduce yourself first.
Uncle Zhao Look right ahead, honey. Start from the beginnin'. Don`t be nervous.
Yadar I'm from the Lotus Pond Valley of the big Tieling City. My name's Yadar. Today I'm so incited. Tonight it's so sunny, turning from cloudy to clear.
Shenyang (giggling) What're you doing, reporting on the weather?
Uncle Zhao Don't laugh at her. She's talkin' about how she feels.
CCTV Man Go on.
Yadar My feeling's changed from cloudy to sunny. Because - because I've found my grandpa. Grandpa's great, he can take me to the Star Splashed Walkway.
CCTV Man Starlight Broadway.
Uncle Zhao Starlight Broadway.
Yadar Broadway or whatever, I'm grateful to grandpa for this chance. I'll be very thankful if you can take me to your Broadway. I'll thank your ancestors... I mean I'll thank you on behalf of my own ancestors of long, long years ago. I won't forget this great favor you've done me. I owe this new life of mine to you. I'll go on chasing you even after I die to become a ghost.
CCTV Man (to Uncle Zhao) Grandpa... I mean you. The way she spoke sort of upset me.
Uncle Zhao Eh... I guess she jus' wants to revenge you...
CCTV Man Is that so?
Uncle Zhao No, I mean to repay you. Or reimburse you or whute'er. One should repay those who've generously helped him or her. When the girl becomes famous, she really shouldn`t forget you. (To Yadar) Go ahead and sing.
CCTV Man Can she sing a song?
Uncle Zhao Sing "The Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau" by Li Guyi.
Yadar It`s by Li Na.
Uncle Zhao Whoe'er it is.
(毛毛现场演唱《青藏高原》。)
毛毛： "是谁带来远古的呼唤?
是谁留下千年的期盼......"
赵本山：中间的不用唱了，最后那个。哦哟啦，那个。
毛毛： "......那就是青藏高原。"
毕福剑：年龄不大，嗓门真高。
赵本山：来来，再长一个调儿。"那就......"。
毛毛： 爷爷，卤子有点吃咸了。
(小沈阳忍俊不禁)
毕福剑：好好。
赵本山：还有呢?后面连哭带唱的。
毕福剑：等一下。
赵本山：连哭带说。
毕福剑：老哥，我问一下，连哭带说是什么节目?
赵本山：就后面"我家庭怎么困难，怎么不容易"那段。
毕福剑：不不，那叫获奖感言。《星光大道》都是真人真事。你这还没有上北京，没参加《星光大道》，就获奖感言了。
赵本山：这关系，另外这条件，她不获奖能行吗?他姥爷在这儿，我还没底吗?来来来，哭，哭。这孩子可厉害了。差仨数，她马上就哭。一、二、三--哭!
毛毛： 咋哭?
赵本山：哭啊，丫蛋，在家哭那么快，真完蛋了。
毛毛： 明儿也哭不出来。
赵本山：不跟姥爷有感情吗?来，看姥爷，姥爷照片在这儿。
毛毛： 呜呜，嘻嘻，嘻嘻。
赵本山：完蛋了，笑什么!
毛毛： 太有了意思了，哪照片呀这。
毕福剑：不说了，不说了。才艺很不错，唱得很不错。
Yadar (starting to sing)
"Ah, who brings here the earnest call of remote antiquity?
Ah, who leaves behind the expectations of the millennium?"
Uncle Zhao Skip the middle part and move on to the final climax. (Trying to imitate) Yo-la-la. See?
Yadar "...That's Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau,
The highland of my soul!"
CCTV Man What a high pitch you've got for your age.
Uncle Zhao Push higher up. Like this.
Yadar Grandpa, the sauce's hurt my voice a bit.
(Shenyang giggles again)
CCTV Man (to Yadar) That's enough.
Uncle Zhao Next, the game of ravin' in tears after the show.
CCTV Man Wait a minute.
Uncle Zhao Gabbling between sobs.
CCTV Man What exactly?
Uncle Zhao Like "I'm from a poor family an' life's been extra hard for me."
CCTV Man Not that yet. Hold it off till after she's got an award in Beijing. The Starlight Broadway's about what people actually experience in real life. They're not supposed to act things out beforehand.
Uncle Zhao See whut support she's got an' how truly marvelous she is at singin'? It'd be funny if she goes there without winnin'! With you her grandpa here, I've got nothin' to worry about. (To Yadar) C'me on, Yadar. Show Grandpa Bi how you cry. (Back to CCTV Man) The girl's fantastic. You only count to t'ree and she'll sure break down. (Back to Yadar) One, two, t'ree - cry!
Yadar I can't.
Uncle Zhao Jus' do it, Yadar. You bring tears to you' eyes damn' fast back home.
Yadar Even by daybreak tomorrow I still won't make it.
Uncle Zhao Ain't you love your dead grandpa? Look, his photo's right here.
(Yadar tries to cry out but laughs instead)
Uncle Zhao That's gonna finish me! Why the hell are you sniggering, Yadar?
Yadar It`s so funny... what kind of a photo is that?
CCTV Man (to Uncle Zhao) Be patient, buddy. (To Yadar) Remarkable talent and truly impressive delivery.
小沈阳：这就不错啊?哎呀妈呀，这样能上的话，我也能上。
